Back in the early 1990’s myself, Super Ralphie, and his sister piled into her vintage VW hippie-mobile and made our way to a psychic fair somewhere in downtown Vancouver. There were healers and crystals and reiki and tarot readers and all manner of tie-dye and hair-wraps. I’d had my own tarot deck for close to six years at that time, but I’d never had a reading. I chose a plain, balding, middle-aged fellow wearing half-moon glasses and a mustard yellow polo shirt over all of the bright gypsy veils and heavily-ringed fingers. Because I wanted to believe that it wasn’t all showmanship and shilling – someone who looked like an actuary couldn’t possibly have the imagination to fake it.
My first impression was half right, the guy had no imagination. After a half hour of leading questions, the big take-away was that I would be moving ‘across water’ and that my path ‘would not be smooth’. Dude, even a small glimpse of my path should have come with a giant warning sticker, flares and a hazmat suite. Also, I was a Newfoundlander living in North Vancouver, there are bookmakers in Vegas who wouldn’t give you odds on my moving ‘across water’. It was a more solid bet than a cheerleader putting out on prom night.
That was my only brush with fee-for-service clairvoyants, until this week. I was offered a psychic reading from PsychicSource.com. in exchange for a blog review. I had two thoughts, the first was completely unrelated and involved a picture I had just seen of John Cusack as EA Poe…you don’t need to know about that one. The second was, “Sure…what the heck?”.
When I logged on to the website, there were options to liaise with a psychic by phone or IM. I puzzled about how your psychic energy would transport itself over the internet, so I decided on a phone consultation. The site details the different tools used by its practitioners, and features a list of psychics, complete with biographies, that you can choose from. Fees start at $1.00 a minute for the first visit but jump to between $4.15 – $6.75 / minute if you return.
I was wondering how much I could squeeze into a ten minute consultation. I mean, I’m pretty complicated, how much of the wonder of me could be distilled in such a short time?
Turns out, I was fussing for nothing.
My psychic advisor, asked me my birth-date, my occupation, and then cast the runes. I wanted to know what my career path looked like (’cause there are days when I wonder if ‘hobo’ is a viable option). Looks like my practice will increase over the next couple of years and I’m doing just what I’m supposed to be doing. Also, I will be teaching somewhere at some point in the future. That took all of three minutes, so we delved into the complex and utterly murky architecture of my love life. Do I have a partner? His name & birth-date? The runes are cast…and it turns out that SR and I are perfectly balanced and destined to live in mediocrity until we die. But wait! He should really watch his cholesterol and we should both get outside more and exercise.
My greatest fears have been realized…I think I bored the psychic. The phrase ‘vanilla reading’ was thrown out there. By the time we’d reached six minutes, there was nothing left to say. We talked about her days as an insurance agent, exchanged general pleasantries and bid adieu.
For me, the entertainment value of this ‘for entertainment only’ service ranked higher than watching paint dry, but slightly less than reading the technical manual for my tankless hot water heater.
That first reading, when I sought out the nerdy accountant type, I thought I wanted realism and discovered that what I really wanted was the gnarled crone who would allude to some dark mystery. This time I expected the dark mystery and ended up with the impression that I really need to get out more. For the love of the gods…will someone just throw a bit of dark mystery my way? Just not on a weeknight, I can’t function without a full eight hours.
PsychicSource.com provided me with a free 10 minute consultation in exchange for a review – the opinions are my own and there was no financial compensation, coercion, shenanigans or skullduggery.